Friday, February 26, 2010

L I V E... | A F F E C T I O N A T E L Y |

The New York Times published an article recently attesting to the power of physical contact. While many academic fields have given time and resources over to the study of nonverbal communication, this is one of the first pieces I've ever read on the communicative abilities of physical touch.

"Momentary touches, they say — whether an exuberant high five, a warm hand on the shoulder, or a creepy touch to the arm — can communicate an even wider range of emotion than gestures or expressions, and sometimes do so more quickly and accurately than words."

As a woman who loves words, who believes deeply in the power of words to change and move people, the idea that touch can say more clearly what words fail to convey was somewhat eye-opening at first. And, of course, nothing can be boiled down to one factor - the student who excels does not excel only because her teacher touched her on the shoulder in encouragement - but it is interesting to consider that the way we reach out to others affects how they, and how we, manage our lives.

Even so, anecdotal evidence or not, it has always made sense to me on some level that there is power in physical touch. It’s a means of showing solidarity, of communicating to another person – to other people – that you are in it with them. I think of the times that I have been on the verge of tears, and a friend has reached out to me – it has always been that reaching out, that hug, that has sent me over the edge, possibly because that touch is the manifestation of what I am feeling inside. (In fact, I have explicitly asked friends not to touch me when I've been on the brink of breaking down, in some futile attempt to maintain control. Why do that, unless I knew that their touch would signal some emotional collapse in me?)

I also came to think about those people in my life who claim to be "bad at hugging" or who avoid physical contact. That - which has never made sense to me - began to be a little clearer after I read this piece, too. After all, if the power of touch to communicate is as strong as these writers say it is, then it takes a good deal of courage and strength to reach out to others. And it says so much more when a friend, who by all rights is aloof or distant, reaches out with sincere affection. I have a friend who kept his distance, for whom conversation wasn't necessarily his forte. My friendship with most people like this would fizzle out - the exception with this friend was that he knew how to give the best hugs. Full-out, open hugs with both arms that said, more than any of his other actions, that he cared.

The more I thought about it, then, the more I realized that the novel perspective of this article is not about the power of touch per se. Rather, if I took anything away from this piece, it's that the connection between our bodies, our minds, and the others in our lives is far more complex and runs far deeper than people seem willing to acknowledge. "The body interprets a supportive touch as 'I'll share the load.'" Communication, support, encouragement, comes in all forms - not simply in words on paper, on the screen, or spoken aloud.

Live affectionately to share the burden of this life with others.

No comments:

Post a Comment