L I V E ... | G R A T E F U L L Y |

I am a master of the thank-you note. I know this because not only do I write a decent thank-you card, but I strive to infuse a tenor of gratitude into every card I write to anyone, be it for a birthday, a holiday, or for no good reason whatsoever. I used to think this tendency to slide into appreciation came from my hopeless sentimentality and nostalgia about everything; I see now that it’s rather because of the reactions – the recipient’s and my own – to the expression of gratitude.

Let’s start with the recipient’s reaction. This is probably obvious, but it bears mentioning: Everyone likes to be recognized for the good that they do. I don’t believe in incentivizing good deeds; in fact, it makes me very uncomfortable to think that people only do good, other-centered things with an eye on how it benefits themselves. At the same time, though, I believe very strongly that good deeds, and good people doing good deeds, deserve their due credit. And thanking someone for something they’ve done for you facilitates a self-sustaining cycle of support; support someone for supporting you, and chances are they’ll help you out again.

(NOTE: This is NOT the same as a one-for-one mentality, in which you repay every favor you receive in kind. That kind of perspective reduces the good deeds that form the basis of a support network to transactions, in which each party keeps a running tally of what they’ve given and what they’re owed – and no one is the better for it.)

Which brings us to my reaction. I love knowing that others know I appreciate them. Part of this stems from wanting to be polite; it also comes out of a desire for others to know that their small favors have not gone unnoticed. I’m beginning to realize now, however, that the power of saying thank you is greater than all of that; its power is not limited to treating others kindly and acknowledging their kindness in return but can be expanded to its ability to remind us that there are things in our lives to be grateful for. After all, saying thank you requires acknowledging that someone has done something to make your life better, easier, fuller, happier. And that is something worth remembering.

Live gratefully, if only to remind yourself that it’s not all bad out there.